but every time i sit down to type out my thoughts, i feel bad.  i feel like a voyeuristic story-collector, a haughty liberal socialist, a self-loathing elitist, a quencher of good intentions, and a bad son, respectively.  but not just a few years ago, i would have had no problem dropping the knowledge and shitting all over other people’s poor choices for the masses to read about (on xanga, of course).   what’s happened to me?  has my age slowed my quick tongue?  has life beaten me into intellectual apathy?  has my edge been so dulled?  . . . of course not.  i still love kicking ass and making bitches shake hands . . . fuck shit.

i am happy to say, i’ve lived a great adult life.  i have seen and done a lot more than i thought i would these last couple of years.  i lived and experienced things i had only read about previously.  meaning and purpose is abundant, and i feel alive in reality.  so now when i try to blog, it feels like i’m just rewriting stories that i don’t have to be written down.  i feel like i cheapen the experience by recreating it for an audience.  and i know that i, too, am a part of my own audience when i blog; fortifying my pre-existing, narrow-minded, “progressive” beliefs with well-composed diatribe and self-assuring prose.  for me, blogging is bad for my health.

so goodbye blogging.  i’m sure i’ll visit every now and then if i have some amazing revelation of the human condition, or if i have something supremely amusing and stupid to share.  but for now, i’m quite content keeping my stories my own.

goodbye my wordpress . . .
a lonely journal awaits.
five more syllables.

BEFORE & AFTER:

A totally unrelated idea: I’ve missed blogging.  I’ve been journaling a lot lately, and I think I finally have my thoughts put together on what I’ve been wanting to write about for a while now . . . next post: the Church.

on my flight back from japan i got to watch all the movies i wanted but didn’t cause i didn’t care to see any of them that much by myself.  please know that i am totally fine seeing flicks solo if i want to see it badly enough without fellowship (transformers is a perfect example)… heh, i just kinda wanted to brag about how i can do things by myself.

i saw slumdog millionaire … i thought it was over-rated and predictable.  still a good movie that i enjoyed, a pretty solid movie actually, but it really wasn’t that great. perhaps it was all they hype that disappointed me.  but i think a lot of people feel that they have to say what a great movie it was because they’ll appear “uncultured” and stupid if they didn’t; cause you know, minorities star in it and it’s kinda indie.  3 and a half stars.

twilight … wtf???  i watched the first 20 min and decided it was just another bratty, spoiled teenager movie. one star.

i also watched the curious case of benjamin button.  meh.  fitzgerald was one of my favorite authors in hs and college … i’ve read almost all of his books and short story works, and bb was one that always stuck out to me (but i always that that they should have made a modern version of a diamond as big as the ritz into a movie, but whateva).  it was obvious and loud … not nearly as witty and sharp as the text.  but you know, hollywood.  two and a half stars.

just when i though that all hope for a really good movie was lost, i accidentally played changeling by clint eastwood.  amazing.  i was giddy with excitement the whole time.  it was grungy and disturbing, hopeful and full of tasteful scenes.  after watching it, i finally became one of the billions that typed “angelina jolie” into google.

the part i liked best was that christianity was portrayed in such a wonderful way.  i’m not shy in admitting i hate the tumor that has become the western church on Christ’s body, and that i really dislike being called a “christian”.  i am not ashamed of Christ but … eh, i regress, ask me about it if you wanna hear my thoughts (Biblical, personal, and otherwise) about church, but this movie made me proud to be a follower of Christ.

the rev gustav briegleb was a passionate hound of justice – using a swear word even to express his outrage and fervor!  ha!  he advocated, got the law on his side, and fought for someone who had lost their rights as a human, a Beloved.  i wept during the movie.

sure, it was just hollywood.  sure, things were over-dramatized.  and sure, probably most of it was fabricated in a small, dank writing room.  but it made me really happy to see a movie about followers of Jesus standing up to the powers that be, forsaking their reputations for the sake of justice, and playing the games that we have to if societal change is going to come about … and even if the movie really wasn’t about that, it was to me.  four stars.

What a great day . . . went to work, got about 90 pages worth of biology work graded, saw tyler wright et al(very briefly, but for some reason was meaningful, at least to me . . .), drank hot water while i watched the snow fall,  and now i get to finish it off on wordpress.  Time for a little update.

Sexy & Sublime.

Two of my best friends got married.  Congratulations to Jeff and Carrie Lam.  Everyone is happy for you two.  [I would normally insert inappropriate joke about Jeff becoming a man here, but my superiors at Crista are watching.  haha]  But more importantly: we got to drink Cristal.  Cristal!  I felt like a super star, like a true baller letting those million dollar bubbles dance on the tip of my tongue.  Did you know the “plastic” wrapping that it comes in is actually a UV shield????  Sexy and Sublime.

Carnal.

My first Seahawks game!  I got to go with one of my students from school (Seattle Urban Academy).  I was privileged to hear stories from his life as we searched desperately for parking, walked through China town, and watched the Seahawks play a great game and lose like suckers in the last 2 min.  heh.  Thanks Charles, I had a great time.  Now, I’m not gonna lie.  I don’t know much about football – I never  fully understood the appeal.  But that day at Qwest Field inspired me.  It was like we were at war battling for everything we held dear in life (Charles and I were ninjas) . . . and I loved it.  Something carnal in me was awakened that made me want to read the sports section, learn players stats, drink beer and curse loudly.  We’ll see what happens . . .

Cute. 

My mom moved to Thailand a few months ago (don’t forget to checkout her blog here.  She updates more than I do!)  This is a picture of my grandparents talking to their daughter over Skype.  If this picture doesn’t make you smile a little bit you have no soul.

Hillarious.

Lindak posted this on facebook.  It made rejoining soooo worth it.  It’s pretty amusing up until about 2:40.  Then it just gets freaking hilarious.

Kozu.

Kozu, we’re glad you’re still alive.  Bwahahaha.  >_^

1.  pumpkin carving party . . . this is aaron mochizuki’s carving of president elect barack obama.  unbelievable.  i have another picture where i’m giving him the finger for being so amazing and making us all look bad … but i’ve been asked to keep the content of this website a little more “family friendly”.  haha  ^^

2.  SUA halloween costume . . . for halloween i dressed up as another teacher at SUA – dr. michael friedland.  it was a huge success.  from far away, some of the student mistook me for the 10 year veteran of the school.  the only thing i had to spend money on was the tweed jacket, that i got at good will for $4.  money.

3.  jeff lam’s bachelor party:  a pretty good night at the tulalip casino.  we ate well, came out on top (except for jeff who blew $200 on one hand … hahaha), and had some fellowship.  despite jeff’s fear that i would make him get naked and do something horrible on his special night, i still planned the event.  he didn’t have to do anything too outrageous.  ^_________________^

4.  friend from philly . . . i miss these guys.  paul from kentucky and chamba from tibet (paul is on the left in case you couldn’t tell, and chamba is on the right in case you couldn’t tell nor deduce).  i miss these guys.  hopefully i’ll be seeing them this summer in SE asia . . .

5.  i mostly wrote this post so my mom could see what i’ve been up to lately.  she’s in thailand.  go visit her blog here: my mom’s wordpress.

hope all is well friends and that you had a good veteran’s day off.  i slept for 14 hours last night.  freaking glorious.

-chris

grateful that i don’t
have to move to canada.
the world celebrates.